Eight feet marching, get it? haha

After Markus was born people would ask me if we are going to try for a girl or if I am disappointment that I only have boys. I would truthfully reply that I was hoping for three boys and I feel very fortunate that it has come to pass in such a way. After a while the vehemence of this feeling started to startle me. Surely, had I had a daughter I would have loved her as much as I love my boys. So why do I feel such a relief at not having one?

A possible explanation occurred to me recently while I was reading Sheryl Sandbergs’ “Lean In” (Book review: Well written book with interesting examples and well though out advice though essentially, yawn, noting you haven’t heard before.). While Croatia in the 80’s was, on paper, a place of equal genders, the radio hostesses would sardonically remind us on March the 8th that we are by miles better off than women in more backward and violent countries. The systematic and socially ingrained misogyny grated me more than any other real or perceived injustice.

Canada today is possibly as far removed from my childhood as those violent and barbaric countries we consoled ourselves with were removed from the 1980’s Zagreb, but the fact that Sandberg’s book was written, published, bought and presumably read causes me to think that I was perhaps justified in not wishing to put a daughter through all that crap.

And yet, really, life is not fair, whatevs. I still managed to grow up, get a job and live well. I can’t really come up with any example of how backwardness of my environment set me back. If anything I developed thicker skin and “I’ll show them” attitude. Though I am not aware of any of my elementary school classmates becoming engineers, they are OK doing girly jobs like being doctors, judges and accountants, according to Facebook anyway. Oh, one girl is in theatre though, perhaps, that is irrelevant.

So if I had had a daughter, despite the messages my childhood self graffitied and hid in the back of my mind, she would have been fine. You cannot change the laws of physics, but there are laws you can change and gravity sucks but only on sufficiently large planets.

Anyhoot, happy early Women’s Day. Yes, it is a month away but I am pretty much guaranteed to forget it.